Disclosure: This site contains affiliate links. If you click on a link or ad and make a purchase, I will receive a small commission, but the price is the same for you regardless. Please note that I only promote products that I actually use, or that my trusted family and friends use. Commissions I receive help to support this site and Mom and me.
True to form, The Squid posted this comment on my non-anonymous blog post, a tamed down version of my Maybe You’re Not The Right One To Take Care Of Mom.
One thing I believe you should avoid is the idea that you are not the only person who knows what is right for your loved one. There might be others in the family that have ideas and want to help. Alienating them with your opionated ideals will cause them to pull away. It takes a village to raise children as it does to provide care for a loved one.
The blog was very tamed down. I didn’t mention any names, or write anything that could indicate to anyone other than her who I was talking about. I was diplomatic. I didn’t make the blog about her, only about her comment and how I felt about it—how I had contemplated stopping that blog to avoid showing the world how hard this is for me some times.
She doesn’t get it, or me or Mom. This is a woman who once laughed at her then- husband’s joke about pulling the plug on Mom after Mom had had a heart attack. Funny guy. He and she went stock still and blank-faced when I shot back, “Don’t do that. That’s my mother you’re talking about.” He later apologized to me for the joke. But The Squid was silent.
Pull Away, Please, I Beg You
So, being opinionated will cause her to pull away? Because she’s been so fucking forward helping so far? She thinks that’s a threat. I hope it’s a promise.
And she doesn’t even get the irony. When I don’t agree with every little things she says or thinks, I’m being opinionated and acting like I know everything. But she has a criticism for just about everything I do or think or say. So, she can disagree with me and she’s not being opinionated. But I can’t disagree with her.
It comes down to trust. I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her. I haven’t for decades. She can be vicious and vindictive and manipulative. She has to control everything and lashes out at anyone who doesn’t jump aboard her ship. She’s a bitch. She’s my sister, but I don’t even like her. If she wasn’t my sister, I’d have nothing to do with her.
So, here’s my advice to anyone in a similar situation. Do what you believe is right for yourself and for the person you are caring for. Surround yourself with those who support you by being positive, and caring, and who don’t have their own agenda that conflicts with what is best for your loved one. Kick those assholes to the curb. You don’t need that. Being a caregiver for someone with dementia is hard enough. And remember, there are those out there who get what you are doing and why you are doing it. Case in point, The Squid’s comment was a reply to this one.